Writing is my outlet for emotions, ideas and feelings. I’m currently going through quite a bad time which kind of seems like the past is coming back to haunt me.
People ask me how I am, if I’m coping and how I feel but the truth is, I don’t know how I feel. How can I put into words how I’m feeling when I can’t think of the right emotion in my head. This inability to conclude my thoughts has left me at quite a loss. My usual go to stress relief is writing, and now it seems I’m unable to do that.
Im afraid of writing what I feel and sounding depressing and miserable. So for now, my stress relief is trying to get the words together in my head, then I can finally get back to being me.
Now that Halloween is over (finally) we can now focus on Christmas!!! For me the 1st of November is the marker for which it is acceptable to talk about Christmas in any way, shape or form and not be regarded as a complete crazy person. My love of all things Christmassy is astounding so you can imagine my delight when I see that shop windows have got festive decorations, there are bright lights hanging from lamposts on every street and advertisements for Christmas events are everywhere. London is finally starting to feel festive. I’m going back home for Christmas this year but this is the first year that I’ve been in London to witness the build up to the holiday period. Already I’m loving it so I can only imagine what it will be like this time next month! So far I’ve lived in a bubble of all things festive; for example eating a whole giant mince pie on my own…in one sitting, refusing to drink any hot drink unless it contains cinnamon, nutmeg or any other festive spice and wearing the obligatory Christmas PJs (wearing blue and red reindeer pants this very moment) that I seem to live in.
Christmas has and always will be my favourite time of year for many different reasons. I’m thankful for having a loving family to share such a special time with. I can guarantee this won’t be my last post on a Christmas related topic so bye for now!
After spending the weekend with my dad celebrating his birthday I have been thinking a lot about the things we take for granted. No matter how big or small these things may be, we are more often than not aware that we are culprits, yet we do nothing about it. The one thing I never have and never will take for granted is the love that I receive from family and friends. As I said on my previous post, my dad is a cross between being a parent and being my best friend. However this weekend has made me realise that we’re closer than I realised. I tell my dad that I love him everyday but it’s not often I say that I’m grateful for this love he provides. This isn’t because I don’t want to say it or forget to, it’s simply because I never realised that I wasn’t thanking him for his love. Showing gratitude is a life skill that will stick with you forever, and could turn out to be the best tool you ever used.
As you’ve probably gathered by now I am in quite a reflective mood today. Thinking about all the love and support that I am provided with is what is keeping the smile on my face today.
I’m so happy to be back writing again. After a few very busy weeks I haven’t had the time to sleep properly let alone write, but oh how I’ve missed it. It made me realise that having this platform to share my feelings and anything else that is going on in my life has become a necessity now. Not having the chance to get my ideas down made me feel anxious and unsure of my days. My life has finally calmed down a little so I’m jumping at the chance to write again.
Today is my dads birthday. He is on the train to London this very minute which I’m super excited about. I always love spending time with dad. As I got older our relationship has shifted from parent and child to being best friends. I can do the same things with my dad that I would with my best friend (most of the time), yet he always knows when to switch to parent mode. This happened last week when I had some personal problems going on, he was there for me as a parent to advise me then as a friend to cheer me up. I love how this switch is possible and I feel lucky to have both sides of him.
So, as a way to make his birthday special I have made him a birthday cake which I have never done before. Let me tell you the cake very nearly didn’t happen when me and the piping bag had a disagreement. It’s the first time I’ve attempted a cake this size, and the decoration isn’t the best so unfortunately no picture! All of that aside the cake is a surprise which will make him love it even more. I’ve got a busy, fun weekend planned so i shall let you all know how it went (and the cake) later in the weekend.
Project Knit is full steam ahead! I first tried arm kitting which was ok, I got the hang of it but wasn’t too sure on the outcome. The end result was average on a scale of appearance. The stitches weren’t as tight as I’d of liked and the overall look was a bit too holey for my liking. I didn’t get a picture of this as I was totally disheartened afterwards until I realised it was supposed to look that way.
Moving on to needle knitting. When I was a child my nan tried to teach me to knit. I was utterly useless! She could never understand how I could reduce stitches whilst adding them to the length at the same time. To this day I don’t know how I did that. So, in a moment of pride I decided that I wanted to learn to needle knit. In the back of my head I had the image of my nan being confused as to why I couldn’t knit, it was second nature to her. Following a basic pattern I mastered the basics of knitting!! My aim was (still is) to make a scarf. The process is slower than I initially thought but I am getting there…slowly.
Then I heard about loom knitting. I liked the idea of having a kind of guide to speed up the process. Whilst being stuck in my mid scarf rut I felt that I needed something completed to spur me on to do more. So yesterday I went out and bought a loom kit. It took me one hour thirty minutes to make a hat that I am very proud of if I say so myself. I even made the pom pom myself (geeky/proud moment)
After sending the photo of my hat to my mum I know have a list of her work colleagues wanting hats for either themselves or their children. I am more than happy to make them as I find the whole process quite relaxing. Keep on going like this and I could have myself a little business. Knitted items make great presents, and as they can be personalised they are always going to be unique.
Recently I’ve seen a lot of posters, books and articles about feminism and it got me thinking; am I a secret feminist?
If somebody is a feminist they make no secret of it. Campaigns and protests are all the rage when it comes to like-minded women fighting for their rights, but is it possible to be a feminist without all of the gathering and shouting?
If you’d of asked me, say, five years ago if I was a feminist I’d of said no. I had traditional beliefs about almost everything. It wasn’t until recently that I started to question these beliefs. I realised they had become very similar to the beliefs a feminist has. How the hell did I become a feminist without noticing?! For me, society and your environment has a big part in changing a persons beliefs. It has now become normal to see women expressing themselves through what they wear, how they style their make up and what career they choose. In a way society has compelled us women to empower ourselves because no one else is going to do it for us.
One of my biggest views that have changed is on marriage. A long time ago I dreamt of my dream wedding (as most pre-teens do) and having the perfect husband. Now my views on this could not be further from what they was. The idea of marriage petrifies me and as for giving up my surname, not a chance! Maybe this is to do with having seen so many marriages fail, or maybe it is me declaring an independent life for myself. The surname changing is a big thing for me. Your surname is your identity, so changing it in marriage is just like changing your identity. What if your new one isn’t as good as the old one?
Another view that has changed is about having children. This is rather controversial as people have all different views about it. I am more than happy to raise a child by myself. Now a days there is so much help available that it is more than possible for this to happen. I’m not talking about the child having a father and me refusing him any part in it’s life. I’m talking about having a child via sperm donor (or any other means) and raising the child on my own that way. Although me having children is a long way off, this is something I have often thought about. I read an article recently about the increase in children being named after historical feminist figures. These parents had the hope that their child will themselves grow up to be historical feminist figures. Nothing like hoping ey.
When I picture my life in a couple years time, I don’t see a male figure being in it. I would never make this view concrete and not allow myself a partner, that would be silly. Personally, I don’t see how being able to fulfil any task, need or desire without a male presence is healthy. Why do life wrong with two people that don’t work when you can do it perfectly on your own.
I am pleased that there are more and more women today becoming a mans equal. The workplace still has the most inequality than any other aspect of life. More women are becoming CEO’s, business owners and generally getting more respected job roles. Although there are still significant differences in pay, things are getting better.
We no longer live in a mans world. We live in an equal world. Women aren’t trying to take over the world. We are just trying to be seen as individuals instead of accessories to men.
Feminist rant over!